Five is a huge milestone. It feels big. I can’t believe my BABY is growing up. I know by now that I can’t stop the clock, time is a thief and I’ll forever be in the struggle of missing who they were and loving who they are becoming. That’s just the way life works. Those of you snuggling newborns right now will get it one day, hold them tight… and welcome to the slow letting go.

photo by Francesca Woomer

For Chloe’s birthday this year, we had a joint princess party with a sweet friend who has a birthday just days apart. We did this when Hannah turned five and it was a blast! I am so excited that we got to celebrate with so many of her sweet friends. I brought out the big camera and captured a few photos of the special day!

I have been thinking lately about seasons. Not necessarily the meterological kind, although I am eagerly awaiting fall here in Florida (if there ever was such a thing). Seasons in Florida are a bit of a mystery, because while they tell us on paper that it’s “fall” it still very much feels like “summer” until one day you’re caught freezing outside watching your kid’s soccer game without a jacket in sight. Florida blood is thin, so next time you prepare well and bring out your cutest, comfiest sweater that you’ve been dying to wear and then end up sweating in it for 3 hours while drinking a pumpkin spice latte. The memes are very real.

Anyway, I’m not talking about those types of seasons. I’m talking about seasons in life. College, dating, marriage, parents, grandparents, retirement, etc. It’s funny how we spend so much time preparing for a career in high school but, no one actually tells you that if the Lord wills, the longest season of your entire life may be something you were completely unprepared for — parenting.

There’s a common saying that, “you could never be prepared to be a parent.” And while I get the sentiment, every child is going to be different and have a different set of needs, no one ever says that about other seasons of life. We never say, “Don’t worry about having a good work ethic now, because every job is different.” And when it comes to marriage, you’ll hear people often say, “Become the type of person you want to marry.” We are expected to spend time learning and growing for other seasons of life, but parenting? Just wing it. You can never be prepared. Good luck!

Our oldest boy turned ten last weekend and we’ve officially been in the thick of this parenting thing for a decade now. It flew by and at the same time, we’ve lived so much life! Currently, I am watching as friends and previous students of ours (my husband, Josh, was a student pastor for 14 years!) are becoming parents for the first time. It brings me back to those early days of not knowing what I was doing, ha! And while I am still very much learning and growing everyday from those ahead of me, there are a few things I’m sensing the Lord wants me to share that I’ve learned from being a parent in just this short time.

1. You will spend more time learning than teaching.

   I think we assume we will go into parenting teaching our children all the things. We may even have a long list of things on the priority list to teach them. But it humbles me to acknowledge, while I can foster and encourage a good learning environment, I can’t take credit for everything they learn. Ultimately each child is going to learn and grow at their own pace. If nothing else teaches you this… just wait until potty training. I potty-trained three children the exact same way and they all took to it a little differently! Before you can teach, you will need to learn how your child receives information. Whether it’s learning to sit up, eat with a spoon, read or write or more spiritual things, like going to church, reading their Bible and following Jesus. We can only take so much credit for what they do with the information they receive. Don’t forget to pay attention along the way, because you’ll need to study your child as you help them become good students.

2. You will sacrifice a lot.

   It’s not if you will sacrifice something when you become a parent, it’s what and how much you are willing to sacrifice. You will have to sacrifice your time and energy to put someone else’s needs first. (I remember when I got my first cold while nursing one of my babies and realizing that the show must go on! I couldn’t stop feeding my baby just because I was sick). You will have to make sacrifices in your budget and finances. (We have reached the point where all of our kids finish their own meals and one orders off the adult menu! Eating out is now a luxury.) You will have to sacrifice some hobbies you really enjoy (hence, why I rarely have time to blog anymore! Until your kids get a little older and maybe you can enjoy some of those hobbies together!) The sacrifices are all worth it though, because ultimately laying down yourself for another grows your capacity to give and love fully.

3. You may question all of your life choices.

   I would be lying if I didn’t admit that parenting can drive anyone a little crazy at times. At some point, you will question if you are doing the right thing. You will question this no matter what type of diapers you choose for your baby, the type of food you feed your family, whether you stay home or work, or the type of schooling you choose for your kids. If there’s anything I’ve learned from becoming a parent, it’s that we are all doing the best we know how to do. A good parent questions their decisions constantly, because they want the best for their child. The important thing is that we seek good advice from people we trust and walk wisely in those decisions. And as one of my good friends always encourages me, “You can always change your mind!”

There is probably so much more I could share, but I only have so much time (because I’m a parent, after all!) One of the best things I’ve learned in this season is to give grace to myself and others. No parent is a perfect parent. I’ve failed, asked forgiveness and learned to get back up and try again. The only perfect example we have is Jesus. Which ultimately brings me to the most important thing I’ve learned as a parent…

I need Jesus, more than AnythIng.

Of all the seasons in life, I feel the most sanctified in this one. While sometimes this season of parenting children can feel like the hardest thing we will ever do, I know the reality in the back of every parent’s mind is… it’s temporary. And just like seasons in Florida, it may come and go as quickly as it arrived.

My husband texted me earlier today and told me that I could have some alone time tonight (have I mentioned lately how much I love that man?) After agonizing for about twenty minutes over all the things I could possibly go do (and accepting that I would never have time to do them all), I settled on a quiet dinner and doing a little writing.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to sit and write in solitude. I usually have tiny people who find their way to my side, interrupting any train of thought that I might have had. Once the train completely derails, I’ll usually save the draft in hopes to catch a ride back on it at another time. I have 200 trains to catch in my draft folder.

But here I am sitting, BY MYSELF, in a Panera. After scanning the restaurant a couple times, I picked a cozy seat in the corner with my green tea, broccoli cheddar soup and Roasted Turkey Avocado BLT sandwich. Oh, and can’t forget the warm chocolate chip cookie for .99 (the cashier talked me into it).

I was surprisingly decisive about my food choices today.
But if I’m honest, most of the time I have no idea what I want.

I have been (pretty much) silent about politics on this blog for the past three years. Part of that is due to being a busy mom of three (lacking a coherent train of thought, like I said), but also because I believe wholeheartedly there are some issues that we, as a nation, will never see eye-to-eye on. And there are people I love too much and would rather not have political opinions getting in the way of that.

But, goodness… my heart is grieved.
And today, I’m taking this train to the station.

I am absolutely horrified by the NY law that passed this week allowing abortions up to the BIRTH of a child. The act of abortion at any point of a pregnancy has always been viewed as murder to me. I realize that this is partly due to my strong belief that life begins at conception and also because at the very beginning of each pregnancy - I wanted the child. But even when I, surprisingly, found out I was pregnant again when my first baby was only 9 months old - I knew that what was happening inside me was creating life. I knew, because it took us over a year of trying to get pregnant the first time and I learned that it doesn’t happen that easily. There’s a whole lot that has to take place before that positive pregnancy test - and a whole lot that has to happen to sustain the pregnancy. It’s a miracle every time.

If at any point, of any of my pregnancies, someone came and injected a poison in me that caused my baby’s heart to stop - I would have sued them for murder! And by law, I would have won.

Yet, by law, if a women decides that she doesn’t want a baby at any point of her pregnancy it automatically becomes okay for her to end its life? After all it went through to make it this far?

Many stories have come out about late term abortions, and how most of the time they are decided because the doctors had informed them that their pregnancy was not viable and/or the child would be born with some type of disability. And with our technology today, I don’t doubt that often the doctors may be right, but… sometimes they are wrong.

I was told at our 15 week ultrasound with my daughter, Hannah (my “surprise” pregnancy), that she had two soft-markers for Down Syndrome. After more ultrasounds and blood tests (that in retrospect probably added to unnecessary anxiety and stress) they confirmed that there was a 99% chance that she didn’t have DS. I knew we were going to keep her no matter what - but the day she was born the nurse looked at me and said that, after looking at her record, some would have chosen to abort her. Yet, here I was with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. THIS is my problem with the law.

Shouldn’t we always give life a chance? In a court case, a suspect is always innocent until proven guilty. Shouldn’t an unborn baby be alive until proven otherwise? Many miscarriages and spontaneous abortions happen because the pregnancy is no longer viable, the baby’s heart stops beating, or there is a genetic disability. And sometimes this happens when there is no reason at all. Whenever a couple receives this information about their unborn child, there is almost always grieving involved. Why? Because it is a loss. Disabilities and diagnoses can happen at any point of life, for any child, born or unborn. If we aren’t allowed to dispose of our three year old after a disability diagnosis, why must we be allowed to dispose of it at 38 weeks gestation? I believe that God has gifted women with the privilege to support, sustain and protect life at all costs. Abortion is the complete opposite of that.

Let’s be clear about one thing… this law does not protect a woman’s life. While pregnant, a mother’s life has always been the priority. The doctors will induce labor at any point of a pregnancy if the mother’s life is in danger, while equally trying to save the baby after it is born. This law allows a woman to decide at any point of her pregnancy that she does not WANT the child.

I don’t say this to be cruel to women.
I say this to focus on the cruel reality of abortion.
It all comes down to what women want.

If you want to call it a child, it’s a child.
If you don’t want to call it a baby, its not.

Can I be honest? I’m a mom, sitting in Panera, getting a couple hours of alone time who couldn’t decide if I wanted a chocolate chip cookie or not. What I want changed a few hours ago. It also changed the minute I got married, became a mom for the first time and again, after I had my third child. My wants change daily and, sometimes, by the second. I was taught long ago, that selflessness meant laying down my wants and desires for the betterment of those around me.

After many years in ministry, I have also walked and prayed with women on the other side of abortion. Post-abortion pain and grief is a difficult reality for many. No one talks about this. And while there are devastating circumstances for some pregnancies, we need women to be aware that their decision to abort may have consequences that last much longer than 9 months.

Women, we have been given the beautiful responsibility of carrying and sustaining a living being.

We must learn to not just accept our bodies and the role they play in the circle of life, but protect them. And if you don’t want children, there are lots of ways to protect your reproductive system from having them (or finding homes for them if you happen to find yourself in the low-chance of pregnancy). You absolutely have that choice to make. You can have a whole hysterectomy and guarantee 1000% that your body will never get pregnant.

But the minute it does… your wants must change.

To be honest, I’m much more concerned about the state of our hearts than the laws. And I know that the only way we will see abortion end, is if women collectively decide that it’s not an option. But that’s going to be difficult. Because, the only bigger mystery than trying to figure out what women want, is figuring out what women want while pregnant.

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(If you’re offended by this post, then you must also be offended when women joke about their raging hormones, cravings and having “pregnancy brain” while pregnant. We don’t mind admitting that our physiological makeup affects our decision making, unless it comes to choosing to terminate a pregnancy. Then we are completely rational human begins. The contradictions must end. And so must abortion.)