Fighting like siblings.
photo by thecapps.co
My two oldest children, a boy and girl, are 18 months apart. Right now they are 7 and 5.5 and are constantly flopping between being best friends and getting on each other’s nerves. 5 minutes ago, I just broke up a fight because he took the blanket that was sitting next to her on the couch. She wasn’t using it, but once he grabbed it - well, of course, she wanted it back!
All that to say, I know a little bit about trying to maintain the peace and harmony in my own home. I’m in the battle daily. So it doesn’t surprise me when I see fellow believers and Christ-followers in the family of God trying to do the same.
What does surprise me is when love seems to be missing from the equation. In other words, the goal is not that we truly want the best for the other person even if we disagree (unconditional love). Instead, agreeing is the determinant factor on whether we choose to love the other person.
This isn’t a new issue. It’s been going on throughout history — and we even see Paul appealing to the church of Corinth and Ephesus to maintain the peace and harmony and make allowance for each other’s faults.
“I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.”
“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your callings, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”
“Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
These are strong statements to believers about how we are to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ. I think there is more strength in what we get right than what we get wrong.
Many are concerned that in their love they are somehow sacrificing truth. Yet, what does love compel us to do? Care for one another.
If we are concerned for a part of our own body, what do we do? We find out what it needs and we take care of it.
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Two weeks ago, both of my parents were involved in accidents within days of each other that resulted in broken bones. My dad was ejected from a lift while working on the job and ended up with 18 staples in his head, four broken ribs, a broken shoulder and multiple other bumps and bruises. He is lucky to be alive! Then a couple days later, my mom tripped and fell while running late to catch an Uber (bless her!) and broke her right arm. Comparing the injuries at first glance, one may seem much more simple than the other - a broken arm happens every day. But because of the severity and the location of the break, the doctor recommended surgery to fix it. Surgery brings along a bunch of other risk factors to her injury - and with my mom’s health history could be more serious long-term.
I share that for two reasons - one, to ask you to please pray for my parents if you think about it. And two, because the same is true for our lives spiritually. We can never compare hurts and expect others to heal in the same way. We must care for each other, individually and specifically. We must seek to understand instead of just trying to offer quick fixes.
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“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”
Matthew 18 tells us the correct way to address someone who has sinned against us (notice this is more than just disagreeing on secondary issues with a stranger on the internet, but rather a person who has intentionally wronged you). Only after multiple attempts to bring the person to repentance does it even require being a public matter. And yet, today we have Christians publicly bashing one another. God help us! What good do we think being unkind and unloving is going to accomplish?
Just like people run away from home when they’ve experienced pain or rejection from family members, many brothers and sisters have run away from the Church for similar reasons. This breaks God’s heart. And it should break ours too.
But even for those who have left the Church - how does the parable of the lost sheep or the lost son describe Jesus’ heart for those who have wandered?
There is grace.
Not just that, but He goes after them.
My encouragement for those of you who are struggling with a fellow brother and sister in Christ is this — decide first, if the issue is really as big as it seems. Sometimes, our personal opinions/preferences play into how we feel about people and that doesn’t make us right and them wrong. Find out if the issue needs to be addressed and always do it privately first.
If that brother and sister is repentant - then we are to make allowances for their faults and forgive them. How many times? Well, Jesus said seventy times seven if you want to do the math.
Forgiveness is at the crux of Christianity and should be at the center of who we are as a family.
Most sin issues that we deal with in our immediate family are private matters that no one else will ever know about. The same is true for our church family. Of course some sin issues are obvious to many — but that doesn’t mean that everyone has a right to speak into them. You know what else is a powerful change agent? Prayer.
If you feel burdened — pray.
My encouragement for those of you who have been on the receiving end of hurt by those in the Church is this — don’t let your disappointment in people make you disappointed in God. People are filthy. We are all filthy. Good thing we don’t go to church to worship people.
photo by thecapps.co
Are any of you still wondering who ended up with the blanket from this morning’s argument? Or would you be content with knowing that they both got along and were playing together a few minutes later? In our family, it’s less important who is right and more important that how we are acting is done in love.
Brothers and sisters in Christ… let’s fight like siblings.