I made a commitment to blog for 31 days and I will stick to it. But, I want to go ahead and give you guys a heads up about this weekend. Our student ministry has a huge event every year called Decrease. If you know anything about student ministry, it's basically a modern Disciple Now weekend where students break up into small groups and stay at host homes and then meet together every night for worship. Also, there's a mega relay involved where kids get coated with flour and water (but, shhh... we don't tell them that beforehand). I'll be leading worship with the band for the next three days and hanging out with the students the rest of the time. This year we have about 300 students signed up to attend! So you can bet it will be a jam packed weekend, with lots of relationship building and spiritual growth. I. CAN'T. WAIT.

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So... what am I discontent about today? The fact that I don't have enough time in a day to do everything that needs to get done.

And can I admit something real quick? Since I'm a "stay-at-home" mom, sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to say that.

Like saying, "I'm busy" to a mom who works 40 hours a week, seems insulting almost. But at the same time... I desperately mean it.

Take today, for instance. Here was my schedule:

7:30am - Wake up (Micah let me sleep in an extra 30 minutes!)8:00am - Eat breakfast8:30am - Turn on "The Cat in the Hat" for Micah, while I sit on the couch and read my devotional for the day.9:00am - Play on the floor with Micah/wear him out good for his nap/wait for signs of tiredness9:30am - Put Micah down for a nap10:00am - Clean up the kitchen/living room (unless I woke up before 6:30am that morning, then I'm totally taking a nap!) Today, I cleaned. We have a guest staying with us tonight, so I crammed in some extra chores on top of my daily routine. 11:00am - Get showered/dressed for the day11:30am - Micah wakes up (sometimes he wakes up before I have a chance to get ready, which in turn means sometimes I miss my shower) Because of the extra time spent cleaning, today he woke up before I showered, but I HAD to get one - so he spent time in his pack 'n play aka "baby jail."12:00pm - Lunch (sometimes Josh comes home, sometimes we go out, sometimes I have lunch with a friend) Today, Josh came home. :) **This is where the schedule changes daily. But most days, besides Mondays and Fridays, are jam-packed just like this.** 1:00pm - Drove Josh back up to the church. We basically share one car, unless it's for short trips. Josh has a jeep wrangler that needs a new top. Today he needed the car to drive an hour to the Orlando airport at 3:00pm and I needed to teach guitar lessons up at the church at 3:30pm, so me and Micah had to go ahead up there early. 1:30-3:30pm - Spent time in the office helping prepare for Decrease and letting Micah play a little while in the 1 year old room (see picture above!)3:30pm - 5:00pm - Guitar lessons (During this time, Micah was being watched by one of Josh's interns and took about a 30 minute nap)5:00pm - Got a ride home from one of our friends/neighbors, who also works at the church. 5:30pm - Realized I didn't have a key to my house and spent a few minutes calling around and then got the bright idea to call my landlord and find out what the garage code was!5:45pm - Prepare/eat dinner with Micah6:30pm - Finished getting a few things ready around the house for our guest, while Micah played in the living room. 7:00pm - Gave Micah a bath7:30pm - Put Micah to bed8:00pm - Whew! I finally get a chance to sit down and breathe, oh let me let our dog Heidi out real quick... (insert some-what-contained-because-baby-is-sleeping high pitched scream) A FROG!!! Spend the next 20 minutes chasing a frog around the house with a cup trying to capture the wicked thing. Finally trap it. Refuse to pick it up myself and leave it there until Josh gets home. 9:00pm - Welcome home, Josh (and friend!) Spend time eating cheesecake and chatting with them until... well, 30 minutes ago. 

Here I am and it's almost midnight. I wish that I had more time in the day.

Today is all about recognizing the fact that being a "stay-at-home" mom doesn't make me any less busy. And feeling the need to refrain from sharing with others that... "hey, I'm swamped today!" because of fear that my busy doesn't look the same as someone else's busy, is just plain ridiculous.

But I let it burden me. I answer the question, "Do you just stay at home with Micah?" with a smile and a shy, "Yes." When I just want to scream, "It's more than JUST STAYING HOME!"

And so today, I let go of that. I'm going to proudly wear my "stay-at-home" mom title with joy. And not feel obligated to volunteer for everything, because I must, "have the time." No, sweet friend, I don't have the time today. I'm busy raising a wild, crazy, free-spirited, fun-loving, future-man.

And I am perfectly... content.

This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!

What do you see when you look at this picture?

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Smiling faces? An adorable little boy? Toys scattered across the floor?

Well, let me tell you what I see... ugly carpet. (And my hair is looking a hot mess too, but that's a whole other blog post). 

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We moved from Alabama to Florida a year and half ago and said goodbye to our cute, bungalow home with nice laminate and tile flooring. I didn't realize how much I took for granted that little house, until I was placed in a much larger one with carpet everywhere. And before you think I'm just some superficial, shabby-chic wannabe that must have the latest and greatest (which, I won't completely deny that I sometimes wish that were the case), have I mentioned we have a 70 lb golden/lab retriever that sheds like cray-cray? And a baby that throws slices of bananas, apples and blueberries all over the floor? You see my problem.

This may sound silly to some of you, but this carpet has been a major source of discontentment in my life. And I'm not even joking.

I stare at it in fury. I sit there and try to imagine ways to make it look cleaner, nicer... and what shade of horrible beige is it anyway? I have honestly gotten to the point in which I am so discontent with my carpet, that when I see a photo of someone else's home... the first thing I notice is their flooring. And is it just me, or does everyone have beautiful, stained hardwood floors these days?

So why don't you do something about it?  You may be wondering to yourself.

Well, the problem is we're renting. And until we sell our home in Dothan, AL (which, p.s. if anyone would like to buy, contact me here) we can't afford to buy another one. We love the location, space and layout of our home, so we don't really want to move either.

Discontent.

And with another baby on the way, the image of baby spit, dog hair and banana slices mixed together in the deep crevices of my carpet makes me want to gag. I vacuum and still feel like it's dirty. We've even rented one of those professional carpet cleaners for special occasions (the picture above was actually taken after one of those, believe it or not) and yet, nothing seems to make it any better.

Discontent.

My husband reminds me of how childish this all sounds. But hey, it's the truth. And I told you it may be a little messy on here this month (not as messy as my carpet though).

Discontent.

But honestly, he's right. This is childish. The fact that I allow something as trivial as flooring to dictate the state of my heart is a sad, sad thing. And yet, I think we do it all the time. If it's not the color of our carpet, it's the size of our home, or the decor in the living room, or the appliances in the kitchen. And we don't stop there - we want trendier clothes and better hair and anything that makes us appear like we have it all together.

Go back to the first picture - notice the smiles, the clapping. A happy moment had just taken place - Micah stood up on his own at his 1st birthday party for all his guests to see! Instead of seeing the joy in that photo, I was quick to pinpoint the negative.

I was blessed to discover a blogger who is writing on this very same topic for the 31 Day challenge and she made a great point about gratitude: "I want to slay my dissatisfaction and discontent with the sword that is gratitude, so that I can make a way for a heart full of thanksgiving and gratefulness to God for His generosity to me. I don’t know who said it first, but that commonly heard quip that “gratitude turns what we have into enough” is proving to be true in my heart and home." - Sarah Sandel

I want my heart to be so full of gratitude for what I have, that I don't even have time to think about being discontent.

Contentment starts when I begin to see things for what they are worth, instead of what they are lacking. In this case, our house was so packed that some of our guests ended up having to sit on the floor to watch Micah open his gifts. And the very thing I detested, ended up being more comfortable than a hard wood floor would have ever been.

And to end this story with some good news - our landlord actually agreed to replace the entire flooring in the kitchen and living area for us. He came over today to take measurements and let us know that it would be considered an "upkeep" on the house and would not cost us anything.

It's funny, but I'm going to miss that carpet. It's where my baby learned to roll over, crawl and take his first steps, where his daddy wrestles him to the ground and chases him across the living room on hands and knees. Those moments will be different when it's gone. And it's when I begin to see it's worth, that I really find myself... content.

This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!

I wouldn't call myself a worrier. I've met some worriers and I love them dearly, but they kind of stress me out a little bit. You mean you fed your child eggs before he turned ONE?! You know something's wrong when you start worrying about the fact that you're not worrying enough. But since becoming a mom, I will admit that I've definitely upgraded to moderate-worrier status. I just worry a lot about my kids. (Saying "kids" still feels weird. I feel like it makes me sound more experienced than I actually am.)

My oldest is just shy of 13 months and I am just over four months pregnant with our second. And currently, it's not the one learning to walk and climb and bruising himself that I'm worrying most about.

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As many of you know, last week we had an anatomy scan done to find out the gender of our next baby. We learned that we would be expecting a little girl! It was such a wonderful and exciting moment and I wanted to enjoy it for as long as I could. But I've been holding on to a constant worry ever since, about a bright spot on her heart that was found during the scan. They call it a calcium deposit and it has been linked to chromosomal issues such as Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 18. The ultrasound tech assured me that they see this and nearly 80% of the time it is completely normal in healthy babies. But in my calculation, that leaves about 20% more reason for me to worry.

I stayed up way too late one night googling: "calcium deposits on heart in fetal ultrasound." And friend, I don't recommend google as a means of calming your worries either.

Our son Micah was born with two holes in his heart, but they never discovered anything like this on any of his ultrasounds. His holes were in the muscular tissue and couldn't be picked up by a normal scan. Which means, there could be other heart issues that they can't even see! More worry.

My heart ached, and I felt myself begin to wish that I didn't have to go through this. This worry... and what if something is wrong? I didn't want to go through that either. Not again.

BUT... then God spoke to me so clearly that I could do nothing but smile and praise Him for it.

How could I sit here, pregnant, and discontent?

God brought me from wondering if I would ever be able to conceive a child, to now being blessed with two pregnancies in under two years! And we have a perfectly healthy son! And we are expecting a daughter! Who by all accounts is measuring and growing perfectly with no other cause for concern!

This is a dream to some families. This is a prayer for many.

What will it take for me to be content?

And then as if I didn't hear Him clear enough. He also gave me this testimony in my bible study this week,

"I ended up in a group with Heather, a young physical therapist who was pregnant with her first child. Heather had a look in her eyes most of the time that seemed uneasy to me - a look like any minute the bottom may fall out on her life and she was doing her best to prepare mentally. As we all shared about the invisible places in our souls where we struggled and areas with which we did not trust God, she confided that she lived in fear of having a special-needs child. She actually cried as she shared this very real fear. As she continued through the study, she was honest and sought God with her fear. On the last night, as we were leaving our discussion of what God had done, Heather shared something so beautiful, so far from a false hope or pretend faith.

Heather said, "I am not afraid of having a special-needs child anymore. In fact, if that is what God has for me, that is what I want for my life. We are only here for a little while, and if He gives me that hard thing to make Himself known, I am okay with that." - Stuck by Jennie Allen

The great news? Heather went on to have a healthy baby girl. The even greater news? She continued her pregnancy in freedom from worry. She had been given the peace from God that no matter what happened, she would be content.

I often make excuses for my worry, especially in the hard things. Because to the world, I am justified. I have a right to be worried. I have a right to be discontent. But as children of God, our lives should be different. Our peace is what sets us apart.

I want my prayer and heart about my unborn daughter, and any hard things we may face, to be the same as Heather's. Even if  God gives us this hard thing. Even then, I will be content.

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This post is part of a series I’m writing for the month of October entitled “31 Days of Being Content.”  See all other posts in this series by clicking here. Or enter your email address in the sidebar on the right to subscribe to this blog and receive posts straight to your inbox!