"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."Proverbs 3:5

Lean not on your own understanding. Oh Lord, how I have struggled to do this lately.

When I don't understand something, I get really frustrated. For example, this past week I went snow skiing for the first time. Let's just say it was quite an experience! After 20-something falls, including one while getting off the lift, I may have whispered to Josh that "this was not my thing" and "I don't know how anyone enjoys this." Ha! Of course Josh and our friends skiing with us assured me that everyone struggles to learn, and that I was actually doing quite well for my first time. But since I hadn't grasped the concept of skiing yet, I was frustrated.

Same goes with my relationship with the Lord. There are times in my life when it is easy to see and understand God's will. For example, marrying my husband, Josh, was a no brainer! Godly, hot and funny. Package deal right there. :) But much of the time I am confused, doubtful and... yes, frustrated, with the way life is going. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you may have sensed that in a few of my posts.   But looking back on all the frustrating times, I can see God's hand at work even in my doubt. When I get frustrated, it is because I lack understanding. I don't see the big picture, only the pain in the moment.

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Proverbs 30:5

  Back to skiing. I walked away from the experience feeling like a failure. From my understanding, falling meant failure. But my understanding was flawed. Everyone falls. And if I had known this, I may have realized that I was actually doing pretty good!   This is a simple analogy. But I find comfort in knowing that my simplistic mind will never be as great as my Father. And in the areas where I feel like I am failing... I trust in the LORD with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding.

(Read my husband's latest post on this same topic!)  

Well, I've already celebrated my first Christmas! :) We spent this past weekend in Panama City Beach with my dad's side of the family. It is pretty funny how it worked out actually. We were supposed to cruise our way to the Bahamas, but two days before departure we got news that the AC broke on the ship. What?! I know. When do these things ever happen?

It was a blessing in the end. My aunt had a friend who owned this gorgeous beach home and offered to let us have it for a few days. It definitely didn't feel like Christmas this weekend... it felt more like spring break. A cool breeze and sunset that was just breath-taking, every night.

But a family vacation would not be a family vacation with out some dysfunction. As my sister likes to say... we put the FUN in "dysfunctional." Ha! As I get older, I learn that some of the weaknesses that I have are similar to those of my parents. And if I don't make the choice to be different, I will pass on generational sins to my children as well. But thanks to JESUS and the grace of God, I can live every day with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Or at least try. These are the traits that I desire to emulate and these are the traits I want to pass on to generations to come.

Of course, I am grateful for where I come from. In fact, I know that it was all part of God's plan for me to grow up in the family I did. I love them so much and I pray I can have the compassion of my mom, Becky, and the generosity of my dad, Stan. Or as we like to call him... "STANta." :)

I have a bad habit of "getting out of the habit."I also have an addiction to becoming addicted to things.

The first explains why I haven't been posting lately. The latter explains why I feel the need to explain this.

You see, it's a horrible cycle with me - I become addicted to something, eat/breathe/live it every day or as often as I can and then burn out/quit it for a period of time and ultimately... lose interest altogether. I know, it's ridiculous. But I refuse to let this blog sink into forgotten territory (although, it has been tempting the past few days!) so here I am confessing my problem to all of you.

That said, taking a step back from blogging was actually a great thing for me. I love reality so much more! :)

Hugs, laughter, eye contact... none of it can be replicated online. And the more time I spend indoors on my computer, the more I miss out on these fleeting moments...

and laughter with friends.

and time with my Savior.

My habit of "falling out of the habit" of things, could be due to my love for spontaneity, creativity and freedom. I work best under pressure, on the fly, last minute. And blogging is no different.  I don't want to write every day out of habit. I would rather write once a month, from my heart, out of creativity.