Since Micah turned one a couple weeks ago, we've been on "walk alert" ever since. Watching and waiting for him to take those first few steps on his own. There are some days when I think he's close, and others when I think he's still a ways off from walking independently.
I remember a time when I looked at him and thought... how will he ever learn to roll over?! And then at 3 months, he did. How will he ever be able to sit up on his own?! At 5 months, he was. How will he ever learn to crawl?! At 8 months, I couldn't get him to stay still! And now I look at him with wonder and think...
How will he ever learn to walk?
You see, from a mother's perspective, I am always fascinated when he learns something new. Because it has nothing to do with me. I never pushed him to roll over, sit up or crawl... and I'm not rushing the walking either. He is learning to grow independently. And at every stage, I am just thankful that he comes running back to my arms... well, crawling back, for now. :)
Becoming a parent has made me see things from a completely different perspective. I can't help but think about how my Heavenly Father looks at me. I'm an imperfect parent and he's a perfect one. And I know that the unconditional love I feel for Micah is just a smidgen of what God feels for him, and me and you. But it may be the closest experience we can have to understanding God's love for us, here on earth.
But here's the big difference... instead of watching as I learn to grow independently and apart from Him, God is watching as I become a baby again in His arms.
I've lived life on my own, apart from Him. I've fallen and gotten back up, with bruises and scars to prove it. But Jesus said something more profound than I ever realized before having a child of my own...
“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3-4
Wow. A child. God wants me to stay little for as long as possible. He's not concerned with me learning how to crawl, walk, or even run through this life without Him. He wants me to sit in his lap, content with just being with Him.
This frees me from needing all the answers, or gaining biblical "knowledge" that is useless apart from just simple obedience.
A few weeks ago, my pastor said a statement that hit me in the gut, "Some of us are educated far beyond our level of obedience." Wow, so true. In the past I have been guilty of thinking I needed to go "deeper" or gain more biblical knowledge to show my devotion to God... but was I even loving my neighbor as I love myself? Or tithing? Or spending time in prayer?
Back to His lap. That's where I want to stay.
When other people fly by in their cool walking shoes, strutting their stuff independently and having all the answers, I will rest in the fact that I am exactly where I need to be. A baby in my Father's arms.
And today, I am happy that my one year old is still sitting perfectly content in mine.