So the news is out... we're having another baby!! I wanted to share a little more of the backstory in how we found out, 1) because I love documenting things like this for me to go back and read in years to come and 2) because it is quite hilarious how God works.
To be honest, I was more afraid to share that we were pregnant this time because the circumstances were very different.
As most of you know, we tried for over a year to get pregnant with Micah. It was a difficult journey, but one that I look back on with such a grateful heart. God allowed me to experience just a small portion of what many women are struggling with today. I am still really sensitive towards friends I know who are struggling - and I know that an announcement like mine, probably stung to a few. I had a pit in my stomach all day thinking about it.
But I've also learned that celebrating pregnancy and the birth of a child is not wrong. It is a blessing! And hiding my joy could never take away their pain. Only God can mend and heal each heart. But I do choose to be more careful with my words and that's why I decided not to share the entire story when we announced.
It stings enough to hear another baby announcement, I didn't want to add that it wasn't exactly planned.
Micah had just turned 10 months on the 4th of July. I was feeling kinda blah, so we stayed in and had a nice night as a family. The next day we went over to our friend's house so they could work on Josh's jeep and we ended up staying for dinner. They made spaghetti. I had... ahem, two plates. Whenever I manage to eat my entire plate, it's quite an accomplishment. So Josh made sure to acknowledge that this was definitely out of the ordinary by bringing up the "buffet story" when we found out I was pregnant last time. (I ate five plates at the buffet, okay. No big deal.) An increased appetite is generally my first symptom. This is probably when it first triggered in my mind... "could I be pregnant?"
But nursing had thrown things off in the monthly cycle, so I wasn't really able to keep track like usual. And of course, we've never just "gotten pregnant" easily, so I really didn't want to let my heart go there. And then there was the whole, "Micah is only 10 months!" thing in my mind.
A few days later we were invited to eat dinner with another couple at their house. I started feeling bad a few hours before we planned to go over there. I even made a comment to Josh that, "I felt pregnant." But he didn't realize how serious I was, and actually brought it up jokingly at dinner with them! I think the wide-eyed look on my face said it all. As soon as we got home, I decided to take the one test I had left.
Turns out, it was positive. I was pregnant. I felt sick. And I didn't know if it was the thought of being pregnant again or actually being pregnant.
I walked out of the bathroom into our bedroom where Josh was holding our precious baby Micah... and I said, "it's positive." He laughed. I repeated, "no really, it's positive." We were both in shock. So this is what it feels like.
There was a time when I really didn't understand how people could ever be "surprised" that they were pregnant. After all the calculating I did, it almost hurt to hear people say that. Now I knew.
Of course, at the same time, we wanted this. Josh and I knew we wanted to have more than one child. And we really wanted our children to be close together. With having endometriosis, there is always the risk that it will come back and I will need surgery again. So the longer we waited, the greater the risk.
But I was guarding my heart from disappointment again. And I was cherishing every moment with my precious Micah. I actually grabbed him after finding out and kissed him all over the face and said, "But you're my favorite!" because I literally could not wrap my mind around having another baby so soon.
That was three weeks ago.
Now, I am just ecstatic! I mean, I still think it hasn't completely sunk in yet that I will be caring for TWO babies. But I know that the Lord has gifted us this child. He will give us the strength we need to raise them both. Nothing else has made me understand God's love for me, like having a child. And I cannot wait to relive that moment of meeting another beautiful miracle face to face!
I am due March 11. But that's just a date, of course. I am 8 weeks along, and right now the baby is still small and in the critical stages of development. I am nervous, and it's harder to think about caring for my body this time around when I'm chasing an almost one-year-old around the house daily. So if you think about it, I would love your prayers for us! :)