Sunday morning, I had an epiphany while standing on stage waiting to sing the final song in our set, "Oceans."
God has been guiding every decision in my life to lead me to this place.
Since I completely surrendered to follow the Lord's calling on my life at the age of sixteen, I can, without a doubt, look back and see how He has been leading me to where I am. Sure there have been bumps along the way, but they've only deepened my faith and trust in my Savior Jesus.
I wish I had time to share every personal story. Every little instance that I can look back on and say "THAT was God!" But if there's one decision that has shaped my life more than any other, it was my decision on where to go to college.
Around this time eight years ago, I was nervous and anxious to pack up and head four hours north to a small, country town in the very tip of the Florida panhandle called Graceville. In this one-stop light town, there was a small bible college with about 800 students on campus. That was less than the high school I attended, to put it in perspective. It wasn't an easy decision. It was stressful, confusing, and very very difficult, to be honest.
The fight came from the war within me to "make something" of myself.
I wanted to forget college, head to Nashville and get "discovered" by a record label (as if it would be that easy) and lose myself in playing music for a living.
That was before I heard God's call on my life.
Like Samuel, it took me awhile to recognize that this voice was God. The reason I knew it was Him, was because it seemed irrational. And history has proven, that's kinda how God works.
When I told my parents that God was calling me into the music ministry and to attend bible college, they thought I was giving up on my dreams (I know they just wanted the best for me) not to mention that private colleges are much, much more expensive than a university. It just didn't seem possible.
But God provided every step of the way. Today, I don't owe a single dime to my college education.
It was at this small college, that I ended up meeting my husband. Had I gone to a different college, I would have missed him. Had I waited just a year later and tried out my own plans first, I would have missed him.
You see, one decision can affect our entire lives. I grew up hearing that "delayed obedience is disobedience," and never has that been more true to me than now.
There is no denying that God called me to be Josh's wife. To stand beside him in ministry. To see peoples lives changed by Christ. And then have the honor of leading them in worship to the King of Kings!
And on the days when I lack faith for the future, I cling to what He has already done in my life. If He is in the small details of where I attend college... then how much more is He in control of every problem, in every nation across the world?!
As I stood there Sunday singing, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders..." my heart was full.
His plan was better all along.