One of my worst nightmares happened the other day. After making breakfast and seeing Josh off to work, I brought Micah back to our room to play on the bed for a little while. He is quite the little roller right now, so I specifically laid him parallel to our headboard and footboard so that if he started to roll he would have a long ways to go before reaching the edge.
And of course, I wasn't going anywhere. I was sitting right beside him reading a few emails on my phone.
It was only a couple minutes, when I heard an excited shrill and looked over to see what my little boy was doing. All I saw were his two little feet and butt in the air going head first over the side of the bed.
My heart dropped.
I leaped off the bed, panicking. When I stood over him he was laying completely flat on his back, staring up at me. When he saw my face (and the scream probably didn't help) he started crying. I picked him up so fast. Shaking and holding him close, I carried him across the house to his room and sat in the rocker cradling him until he calmed down.
After stripping his clothes off to examine every little part of his precious body, he began laughing and kicking like nothing had just happened. There were no bumps, bruises, not even a scratch. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and thanked God for protecting our little boy.
This was probably my first big lesson as a mom - mistakes are going to happen.
No matter how hard I tried to protect him from falling. He still fell. And the scary truth is, he will probably fall down again eventually. And again. And one day he is going to get hurt. Because life is full of mistakes and wrongs and sin.
There is a bit of freedom in realizing that I will never be the perfect mom. No one can ever be the perfect anything.
Only God is capable of being that perfect, loving Father to Micah. He has entrusted us to care for him and you can bet that I will do the very best I know how with my limited ability. But He has already numbered his days. He already knows the plans He has for Micah. God is ultimately the one protecting and watching over our son.
Whew. That takes a load off of me.
Though I pray that I will never have to endure a heart wrenching moment like that again for awhile, when the time comes (and it will, he's a boy after all) I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father to trust in.
I don't see how any parent could ever survive the pressure without Him.