Goodbye, 2012.

familycollage 2012 has been quite a year for our family.

I recapped a little on Thanksgiving. But seriously. A recap doesn't do justice to the overwhelming emotions that we have experienced this year. Putting our lives into words, no matter how hard I try on this blog, is quite impossible. Too much of what we feel is unexplainable.

Basically, my heart has been through a lot these past twelve months. And it's currently sleeping in a crib twenty feet away.

It was only a couple days after New Years in 2012 that I found out I was pregnant. Those two pink lines. The extra line that I had imagined seeing for months, finally appeared. And my heart literally ached with joy.

A few weeks later, my mom was diagnosed with cancer & my heart ached again. Only this time with a deep sadness and fear of what may happen.

Then a couple months later, we found out our little baby was going to be a little BOY. And my heart ached with excitement! Finally having a name to go with the little kicks and rolls I was beginning to feel. Micah Jordan.

Then just a few short weeks after that, we made the move from Alabama to Florida. And my heart was torn. Aching from separation from close friends and yet, aching with anticipation of what this new ministry opportunity would bring.

On my birthday, my heart ached with relief at the news that my mom's cancer was in remission! Best. birthday. present. ever.

Then my heart ached a lot over the summer. Missing friends. Making new ones. Pregnancy joys. Pregnancy pains. Family issues. Family blessings. It was up and down all the time. Every day was different. All the while, I documented and cherished the time. Never wanting to take a moment for granted.

I gave birth to my firstborn son on September 4, 2012. And when I looked at his face for the first time - there it was, my heart.ย It never occurred to me before how words could be so limiting, but trying to describe that moment definitely is.

For the past three months, my heart has been full of love for my child. And in some ways, it literally is as fragile as he is. But when I look back on this year -- it's no wonder. My heart has been through a lot.

Here's to a new year. And all the ups and downs it will bring. Lord, create in me a clean heart.

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Above everything elseย guard your heart, because from it flow the springs of life. - Proverbs 4:23