Finding Purpose

Can I breathe a sigh of relief and say I'm thankful yesterday is over? Whew... I'm thankful yesterday is over. It was not a fun day. For many reasons unassociated with Halloween itself. Even though it does happen to be my least favorite holiday. In fact, I don't even think of it as a holiday. It's creepy, it's embarrassing to see half-dressed women (and children!) walk around, and you don't get out of school for it. It's not a holiday.

But, I didn't have to endure any of the halloween crazies this year. Instead I attended a memorial service for the father of two of our students. He passed away this weekend after suffering with Listeria for over a week. He was a husband, a father, teacher, and a football coach. He wasn't even 50 years old. Both of his daughters (pictured with me, above) are in our youth group at church and his wife helps serve on Wednesday nights. We love them all dearly. It's crazy how life can end so quickly and without warning. I am learning this every day as I get older, that our moments together are but a glimpse. Here today, gone tomorrow.

I want my life to leave a legacy. God obviously thought enough to put me here for a reason, I want to fulfill His purpose for me to the fullest. Some days I know exactly what I'm here to do. Some days I think I'm still learning what exactly that is. And honestly, some days I feel as though I have no purpose at all. But God always seems to come through with a word of encouragement to point me in the right direction. Last week, I was feeling purposeless when I received the random message telling me that my music was playing on the radio! You see? You never really know what your words could mean to someone.

I think my biggest struggle with purpose right now is not being a mom. I love children with all my heart. I love them the moment they walk in my classroom and the moment they leave. I love them when they pee on my floor, when they spill paint on my chairs, when they trip over their shoelaces and come crying to me to tie them. I love their little smiles and when their laughter fills the room, I have a hard time not laughing too. I struggle with understanding why God would allow us to face infertility, while allowing teenagers to get pregnant? Or worse, a woman He knows is going to choose to abort it?

I understand these are sensitive subjects. I am just being real with you.

Tomorrow is my first surgery ever. I like to think I'm a brave person, but this is a tad scary. But I am doing it for my future children. I want to do all that I can to leave a lasting legacy and one of the greatest ways I believe we can do that is through our children. I am thankful for a mom, who prayed for me no matter the circumstance. I am grateful for the legacy of my grandma, who showed me the love of Jesus from a young age. I am blessed by the legacy of my mother-in-law who raised four boys to know and love the Lord, one whom I would eventually marry. Without these women, my life would not exist. I pray that my purpose on this earth would not just end with me...